Altruism
by melody t. gatsby
Summary: The clack of the doors smacked right when Chihaya called "Let's go home!" Taichi looked back without turning his body. His eyes looked sad, and Chihaya attempted to call a take back, but she didn't. She didn't even try.
1. Censure

Title: Altruism

Status: Ongoing. 3-5 chapters planned.

Pairings: **Chihaya x Taichi**. There are other much less significant ships.

Warnings: I haven't written fanfiction in a while. The only one I have written was super ambitious, got to nowhere and is now abandoned. So I'm a straight up pretty unreliable writer; here's my upfront sorry. I'll try to get this fic done during the span of the summer, if not expect slow updates. Where are we in the manga? Queen/Meijin battles? Let's pretend that's over with, and other that the current queen and meijin kept their titles (which they most likely will be, anyways) and that Arata lost. I might also spell Chihaya's name wrong. Multiple times. So please tell me where. I keep thinking Chihiya…

Comments: Season three guys! Come fangirl with me! (Even though there are so few fans…such a shame…)

-CF-

1: Censure

One of the most beautiful things about Chihaya was her hair.

It was incredibly thin, nothing like her sister's, which was thick, fluffy and voluminous, with slight curl at the ends.

Chihaya's was completely limp. Absolutely zero frizz. It circled around her head in a perfectly flat manner, like a fragile, unearthly, golden string, falling around her shoulders and collarbone, glinting glittering wisps at her neck.

It was the wisps that made Taichi go crazy.

The strands looked so soft. Sometimes they brushed against his arm or something while they walked together, and he would smell her shampoo, and Taichi would shiver a bit and think about touching it, but of course he never did. The wisps around her neck fitted into the crevices on the back of her shirt, like a warped water fall.

Taichi twitched his eye. In front of him Chihaya sighed, and pushed her hair back with her left hand, and Tachi watched the strands shift back into place, hiding the tiny wisps. Taichi's eye twitched again. He looked back at his English homework, bit his lip, and tried to cover his vision of Chihaya half-heartedly with his right hand, and craned his neck so his view of her was more obscured.

_Self-control, _Taichi scolded himself, and then added, _don't have weird thoughts_, for good measure, even though his thoughts right now were more innocent than some that he had had. He scratched out an answer on the homework, breathed, and repeated the words in his head, and forced himself into a state of concentration he had created since he was a child, that of which kept him top of the class, where he focused completely at the task he had in front of him.

Oe-san was the one to snap him out. He felt her hand on his shoulder. Immediately his brain had transitioned through a generally effective automatic refresh, and he let out an audible sigh. He first checked out much how he had finished; a sizeable stack of worksheets, but he still had studying to do for the two tests tomorrow. _Right, _and he glanced up at Oe-san.

"Hey, Prez, you've been working nonstop as soon as we started…me and the others are going to go get some drinks and snacks real quick, do you want to come?"

Oe-chan had been the one to suggest the study sesh for the team, since they were behind on their schoolwork because of karuta occupations. _Let's just take a break to catch up with studies today. We have to make sure to keep up all our grades so the school will look upon our club favorably. _Komano-kun agreed right after, and Nishida and the first years in quick succession. Taichi had surprisingly been the last one to agree, since Chihaya was being unreasonably reasonable nowadays. He'd wanted to go practice karuta again at the society. Would it hurt to lose a day of practice? _Probably not,_ he thought as he gave a nod, trying not to show his reluctance.

Now as he sat on his small uncomfortable seat, he was forced to agree again. Watching Chihaya jump around, probably having only finished perhaps a few pages of work, wanting to move around and run away from him. He pushed his chair in wordlessly.

-CF-

Taichi listened as Chihaya chattered on, strolling around in her weather beaten shoes, spinning around her short skirt. It annoyed Taichi that she moved around so easily and unlady-like sometimes. _Old men walking their dogs_ _out on the street have probably seen her Snowmaru underwear_, he cracked to himself, even though he never had actually seen it closely. Chihaya, with her poor heart and soul, had told him straight on in elementary school.

In front of them Nishida and Komano-kun talked easily, side by side. Ahead of them, Oe-san and Hanano-san, with Tsukuba trailing along behind, flipping around the flimsy pages of some kind of karuta guide, even though he didn't need it. Taichi and Chihaya were at the back, where they could see everything. The snack shop was only a couple more streets up ahead. Taichi had stopped there multiple times before on the way to the subway, and surely the others had found their way to the shop during the school year as well. Remarkably it was only until then had they all gone together.

Taichi realized he knew them all so well now that he could name, quickly and accurately, what they were going to get. _Nishida, pork buns and soda…Komano-kun, two cookies and an iced coffee…Hanano-san, fruit jelly and melon-flavored gum…Oe-san, grass jelly drink and a protein bar, Tsubaku-kun…shrimp chips and one of the small toy trinkets they sold at the counter. Chihaya, doughnuts and three chocolate bars. _One for her, one to share, one for Tachi.

Sometimes Taichi wondered if he should be grateful that he knew so much more about her, was so much closer to her than Arata, sometimes only a few centimeters away, sometimes none. But he wasn't. Chihaya didn't have any qualms about being affectionate for Taichi, which only made him embarrassed and visibly frustrated. It annoyed him that she could touch him so easily, and redden at the sight of Arata.

Taichi watched as one by one, they filed into the snack store, and picked up exactly what Taichi figured they'd pick out, expect Hanano-san, who also picked out a small box of pretty looking gummy sweets and bottled water. They chattered, laughed, and went up to the counter in one whole clump. Taichi fished out a few bills but Chihaya just stuck his tongue out at him, said, "You can't pay for everything, rich kid," and passed over her own money.

This, too, annoyed Taichi. That Chihaya wouldn't let him pay for anything he could definitely afford to pay. _I can send you to those tournaments, I can support you with what I've got._

But Chihaya had never actually accepted any money from him at all. Whether it was her pride or determination, Taichi had to stop himself from feeling too offended long ago. He could take care of her, but she never acted as if she wanted him to.

She handed him a powered doughnut, wrapping in a small twist of napkin. It was probably jelly-filled. "Here, Mr. Class A!"

Taichi took it, staring at Chihaya's smile. Taichi wanted to keep staring at her, and the smile he saw in his dreams, but instead swiveled around his head and walked out of the store. Oe-san and Komano-kun were already waiting outside. Komano-kun's eyes were bright and happy. Was he blushing? Tachi had thought about mentioning something for a while, but forgot about it. Their romance was nothing near Taichi's and Chihaya's; at least it seemed actually existent. They were pretty cute, Taichi decided, as he bit into the doughnut. Grape filling spilled out, and Taichi used the ends of the napkin to swipe powder off his lips.

"Let's do some practice games when we get back," Chihaya cried, as she caught up to his side, her book bag banging against her hips. "Can't we, please, I can't read those boring math equations anymore."

"They're easy to memorize," Komano-kun scolded, working in small bites into his raisin cookie. "You just don't have enough diligence to concentrate for the three minutes you need to get it embedded into you head."

"No," Chihaya argued.

"Yes," Taichi retorted.

Chihaya didn't say anything for a precious three seconds. "Ok, so maybe. Ok, when I finish memorizing them, can we play a few practice matches?"

"Alright," Oe-sand called from behind them. There were no other words to be said. It was a good idea, enticing Chihaya to actually finish her homework with the prospects of more karuta.

-CF-

After suffering at the dinner table while his mom lectured him around reputations and schoolwork, Taichi went into his room, shut the door, and started finishing up his schoolwork. Afterwards, he decided, while his parents were asleep, he'd practice swings until he was tired, and listen to some music before hitting the sack. Taichi's nights were never glamorous. His mother was hell-bent at keeping him at the top, and Taichi was just as determined to improve his karuta in his spare time as well.

He was trying to memorize a chemistry concept that was actually giving him more trouble than he would have imagined, tapping his pencil on his chin lightly all the while, when his cell rang all the way across the room. It was like a mosquito in the summertime, loud and undeniable.

Tachi used his feet to propel himself away from his study desk to his bed, glad of his comfy swivel chair. The caller ID: Chihaya.

_What does that girl want now? _Taichi thought with both annoyance and affection as he lifted the phone to his ear. Chihaya had woken him up in the middle of the night before, freaking out about a test with material that'd she'd slept in class on, or because she was too excited about a karuta tournament. Taichi always pretended to mad at her about it, but secretly the calls always made Taichi happy, if a bit unsatisfied. It felt like she was his girlfriend, like the late-night calls he'd seen in movies. Of course, they weren't whispering promises and declarations of love to each other, but the atmosphere of it-lying in his sheets, Chihaya's excited voice in hush-hush tones like music to his ear, and her imaginary, comforting presence in the room-all of it made Taichi feel embarrassingly dreamy.

"What do you want?"

"Err, hmmm. Taichi, will you play karuta with me?" Chihaya's voice, usually squeaky and assertive, now came out tentative and soft.

"What are you talking about? Now? Are you insane? It's past dinnertime," Taichi hissed, trapping the phone between his shoulder and ear, and spinning around on the chair so he faced the window in his room. It was almost completely dark; the skyline was purplish like a bad bruise, but there weren't any stars out yet that he could see.

"No, I." Chihaya paused. All of a sudden Taichi felt scared because of her unsure, if a bit enthusiastic, especially _not_ crazy manner. He wanted to demand if she was ok.

"Where do you want to meet?" he said instead.

-CF-

He hadn't ever really come to the place ever since Chihaya's birthday. There was not much Taichi could want to remember of it, considering that all the lovely moments he'd experienced then were crushed by the momentum of seeing Chihaya's joy at Arata's single communication attempt. Now as he sat on the hard wooden bench, he tried to shoo away the prickles of discomfort so he could help Chihaya with whatever dilemma she was dealing with.

He wished he'd dressed better than a loose-fitting pair of old jeans and a ratty looking T-shirt from track team back in middle school, but he hadn't wanted his mother to suspect anything. "I'm going to pick up a book for school at the bookstore. I might get something to eat too, so I might come home a little late," he'd explained calmly to his mother, trying to hide his hasty manner. It didn't look like his mother suspected anything.

_There's no reason to look acceptable going outside, though. She wouldn't have noticed._

Oh well. It didn't matter anyways. Chihaya didn't notice, or cared about what Taichi wore, even though he always worried and made an effort.

In any case, he'd already formulated several lies in case Chihaya needed him for long. He would stay up all night with her, if she needed it. Taichi had discovered long ago that his only bouts of defiance towards his mother and her rules were all connected to Chihaya. He'd still be a sniveling spoiled mother's boy, if not for Chihaya.

She was both his savoir and downfall. She was to blame for Taichi's resilience and re-growth into what he hoped was a better person. His humbly checked pride and breaks in his calm emotional status. His tendency to be possessive and competitive. She was the cause of it all.

So as he sat there, watching Chihaya's slim silhouette, decked out in her Daddy Bear gear, and her beautiful, heart-breakingly beautiful smile, he couldn't help but wonder if he could ever bring himself to love anyone else. He didn't know how to love anyone else but Chihaya.

"Taichiii," she cooed. "Tachiii. You really came!" She was so happy that Taichi had to turn away his head a bit so she couldn't see him blush and turn red to the tips of his ears. _It's nighttime, calm down. She won't be able to see. _

"Yo," he replied, trying to busy himself with opening up his book bag. "I brought karuta cards." He handed them over to her with his head down and breathing tight. _Stop it, damnit. _

She snatched them away from him easily, and with a _whoff _she planted herself right night to him. She touched the cards gently, but didn't make any move to set them down. Taichi didn't ask any questions, just watched her rub her slender fingers over the poems. She seemed content to sit there and do just that for ages, and Taichi would let her if she wanted to.

But after a while, she said quietly, "I called Arata today."

Taichi froze. His breathing, which had steadied after a while, kicked up a notch.

"I really want him to be close to us," she murmured softly after a few seconds. "I miss him a lot, don't you?"

"Yeah," Taichi managed to choke out. He twiddled his thumbs in front of him. Was she really doing this? Right now? Was she going to confess to Taichi that she loved Arata? _I can already see it. I know._

But even he knew that hearing the words would break him more than anything else in the world could.

"He's ok, he is," Chihaya said. Did Taichi hear a gulp? "We talked longer than usual. He usually…we usually don't talk longer for than a few minutes."

Had Arata told her about trying to form his own karuta team? If then, Taichi could stop trying, Chihaya would already be there, brushing shoulders with Arata, while he smelled her shampoo and touched her hair. Taichi closed his eyes and slumped.

"He's so far away…I want to be there with him, wherever he is."

Taichi remembered back to the tournament where Arata had told him that he'd always thought that Chihaya had belonged to Taichi, but he didn't think that any longer. It was like a battle cry. Taichi had remembered the wave of angry, fear, sadness, sickness and desperation that had passed over him then. Right now he felt the same.

"But I could never leave you."

Taichi's breathing completely stopped.

What had she said? _Rewind, rewind!_

_ Did she just say she didn't want to leave me?_

Taichi stared at Chihaya, shock burning throughout his entire body. As usual her honesty was searing and painful, and it also totally made Taichi swoon.

"I couldn't leave the team either, haha. But you especially, you need me!" Chihaya punched him playfully in the guy, which forced Taichi to exhale the breath he'd been holding. "And…I need you too." She smiled the smile he saw in his dreams, and the strands of her hair that made him go crazy tumbled down, tickling Taichi's elbow. The scent of her hair and her skin was tingling and enticing. "Hey, let's forget about karuta. I want to go eat chocolate cake!"

_This hurts. This hurts really bad. I'm going to go insane. _Taichi thought. _I want to cry. I want to hold her. I want to stroke her hair. I don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to have to keep controlling myself, shit shit shit! _

Chihaya's waist suddenly blocked his vision and then he saw her big eyes, her sweet eyelashes blinking against her cheek. Chihaya's eyes had no competition even in comparison to the stars outside, which was dumb, and weird, and cheesy to say, but at that moment he thought it was true. Her lips were right in front of his, and he felt her warm breath. _Shit, I have to get out of here, but I can't run away, and it hurts really really bad. I can't-I _don't___want to do this again. _

And so he didn't.

-CF-

The only times Taichi had ever touched Chihaya's hair were on pure impulse. One time, he ran through his fingers through it playfully, and then strolled quickly away before Chihaya could see his red face. One time he'd twirled it around absentmind-ly with his left hand and Chihaya had jumped away after hearing some cheerful news, before Taichi realized what he was actually doing. Never had he actually touched it out of pure affection.

But as Taichi reached up and laid his fingers around Chihaya's head, feeling the silk of her hair, he only felt the love he had ever had for Chihaya. With a quick tug from his hand Chihaya tumbled into the crevice of Taichi's arms, his fingers still tangled around her hair. Her head neatly bumped into Taichi's neck, and her legs slipped easily into Taichi's lap. Still not thinking properly he clutched Chihaya's head harder and pulled her even closer to him.

Chihaya's yelp broke Taichi's break of self-control. He was suddenly all too aware of Chihaya's warm body pressed up against him.

_ Shit! What in the hell did I do? I was almost about to kiss her!_

Taichi could do nothing expect say a sheepish sorry, and take off his hand and release her, expecting her to immediately get off and ask him confused questions. Taichi could probably no doubt come up with some creative excuses, and then they would go to a late-night pastry bakery, where Taichi would jiggle Chihaya away with his elbow to pay the bill. _Everything will be forgotten. _

Instead, to Taichi's horror and amazement and happiness Chihaya stayed there, twisting herself around a bit and then resting her head on his neck. "So I guess you want to watch the stars a bit before going?"

God, Taichi figured he would have a heart attack before the night was over.

"Fine by me. You're really warm, you know. Comfy," she joked cheerfully, her shampoo scent wafting up into Taichi's nose.

Chihaya was to blame for everything.

And as he realized this, Chihaya's body right next to his, he decided never to give up on her.

_Arata. I see you coming, and I know that you could have Chihaya with a flick of a hand or a pairing of words._

_ But even then I'll have her. I'll chase her. Because my love for her will always be stronger than yours will ever be. _

Chihaya's silk hair pooled around at Taichi's chest. With only a tiny bit of hesitation, Taichi reached up with his right hand, and then gently, tenderly stroked it, his hand hovering and shaking. Chihaya sighed and pushed her head more into Taichi's neck. Taichi breathed as quietly as he could, so he could hear every movement and sigh of hers.

_You see Arata, you're right, Chihaya doesn't belong to anyone, and she never will be. But I will be the one to stay be her side. _

[END Censure]

-CF-

**This fic is so utterly, damn fanciful. It was definitely kinda embarrassing to write (the doc is named "well shit" in my comp) but also nice, considering I wished so hard for them to just fricking get together and they never get fricking anywhere. I'll tone it down, maybe, depends on what the response is. Look, I'm a pretty crappy writer, when I look at the stories on here. I rely on people's opinions a lot so tell me your thoughts. **

**Not to say though, Arata isn't a precious baby too. There was a stressful period where I couldn't tell what I shipped, but as I watched/read more I realized I felt Taichi deserved it a lot more. **

**Though it's obvious that Arata and Chihaya like each other, the mangaka can't make Taichi work so hard just for nothing. Gosh, I'd hate it so much if she left it open-ended, which she might, since the ship preferences are split pretty cleanly. **

**Anyways you can expect a new chapter relatively soon, since I kinda got re-addicted to Chihayafuru. **

**Wow, it's 1 in the morning. What in the heck am I doing. **

**Thanks for reading. **


	2. Circumspect

Title: Altruism

Status: Ongoing. 3-5 chapters planned.

Pairings: **Chihaya x Taichi**. There are other much less significant ships.

Warnings: Took a risk and switched to Chihaya's POV. She's about as 10x harder to write than Taichi, and the style is a bit (but I tried to make it not too) different; actually had to go back and reread some chapters for research. She interprets a lot of the moments as just moments (at least for now) so that's probably not ok too. I think it might depend. I'm quite sorry. Taichi will be right back next time.

Comments: I really need someone to make a Taichi x Chihaya fanmix or something. I've been using the same Yamaken x Shizuku mix (if you've read Tonari, than you know they have a similar unrequited love situation) while writing this for days. And I can't make one myself since I've hardly been into music nowadays (because I'm too busy watching anime wow what.) Burrrrrrrrrrsrfsda.

Also, thanks to you if you left a review. You were all helpful and reassuring, thank you so much.

Chapter 2: Circumspect

Cake at midnight was delicious, Chihaya decided. And especially when it was eaten in good company.

From around her, cute earring like metal decorations twirled around her, and pop music flowed, almost gently and softly, from the speakers above. The atmosphere of the pastry shop was very zen, with their black walls and colorful plastic chairs and pink bunny decals. Taichi sat across from her, crunching on the toffee toppings from their strawberry shortcake, watching her. When she looked at him, he raised his fork, and gave her a cheeky smile.

Chihaya wanted to go across and slug him, but her mouth was full of fancy crème brulee. She could only reach over and steal some his frosting.

Taichi's presence was always comforting. Arata's call rattled her. When Taichi pulled her beside him, she could only oblige, only to figure that Taichi was expecting her to probably adjust herself beside him. He'd only let her sit there for a few minutes before pulling her up by the armpits, sounding indignant and angry and something else she couldn't place.

"You're getting fat," he declared. "Get off of me!"

To which Chihaya replied by kicking him in the legs, and they had run around a bit before Taichi had grabbed both of her wrists and pulled her right to him.

Then he'd told her, with his breath on her face, "Let's go get that cake."

Taichi's breath was always warm, and sweet-smelling. His scent always made Chihaya feel content. Taichi smelled like apples, grass, sweat, and sometimes rich-kid cologne. Chihaya never liked the rich-kid cologne part, but Taichi wore it pretty often. Chihaya once had told him to change it once, jokingly, but the next day Taichi came back with another scent. Chihaya didn't mention it again. She didn't like getting used to the new scent.

Come to think of it, he hadn't worn it this time, and he hadn't put on expensive clothes either. Maybe it was what made Taichi so nice to be around this time. His body was really warm, and she fit right on him really nicely too. She wasn't joking when she said he was comfy. She probably could have stayed there for a pretty long time, if Taichi hadn't pulled her off.

"Sorry," she said out loud.

Taichi gulped. Chihaya looked on as his Adam's apple did a little dance. "Hmm?"

"Sorry I was so heavy. You were really comfortable though," Chihaya said with a little mischievous grin. She'd expected him to grin back and flick her with his fork or something, but instead Taichi made a little huff and stood up and told her he was going to the bathroom.

Chihaya swallowed and reached over to slice off more cake. Taichi could be really unexpected sometimes.

-CF-

Taichi ended up walking her home, even though she tried to shoo him off.

"Stop, go away! You're going to get in trouble with your mother!"

Taichi scoffed, and put his hand to the back of her head-_thunk. _ "You've only thought it up now? I was already in trouble when I sneaked out to meet you, you know!"

Chihaya stiffened, and tugged at her bangs, but not too hard, so she wouldn't lose any hair. She disliked the thinness in her hair, despite the fact it was helpful in matches when she was sweating.

Actually, Chihaya had known long ago what she might be putting Taichi in, but she hadn't mentioned it at all. She wanted Taichi to stay with her, which she knew was selfish, and even now she felt the loss of his imminent departure.

Even if she joked about it, said, "I wish we could stay together tonight," she had a feeling that Taichi would listen, because Taichi was good.

"MmMmm," Chihaya mumbled in a low, fake annoyed tone, swatting around the air around his hand half-heartedly. After a few seconds, she covered Taichi's hand with hers and brought it down with hers. The force of it caused some of Taichi's fingers to catch on to hers, and she could feel the delicate skin at the tips, and the smooth surface of his nails.

Slowly, Taichi's fingers melted off of hers, and they walked side by side wordlessly through the streets. The glow on the pavement made unearthly glows, and their steps, which resounded in a clockwork rhythm, continued on.

"Taichi, have you re-watched the Meijin match yet?" Chihaya said after a few minutes of silence. After a few streets they'd reach her house and Chihaya would have to go up to her bed alone and cover herself with thin blankets and miss Arata and Taichi and all of them together.

"How many times have you watched the Queen match?" Taichi replied steadily.

"Hmphhhh," Chihaya intoned loudly. She tucked her hair back in, and on impulse she straggled behind for a few seconds so she could kick Taichi in the at the back of his jeans.

"What the heck?" Taichi spun around and narrowed his eyes at her playfully. "You wanna fight?"

Chihaya pouted. Her house was a few steps away. "I think you know the answer to that!"

Taichi leaned closer and she could smell his breath again. "Which question?" he said. His breath smelled like strawberries this time. Was he going to grab her wrists again? Chihaya sniffed. She opened her mouth, and then closed it, then put her hands behind her back and strolled a few steps away, tugging at her hair again.

Taichi trailed behind her. She still smelled his breath.

Every time he did things that that, Chihaya felt strange. It was like the feeling when Taichi had playing against her in the tournament, and she had seen his face, with his intense golden eyes. She had thought, _his eyelashes are so thick, shouldn't it be hard to see? His hair is getting messier by the day. How does he work so hard? Is this Taichi?_

Chihaya couldn't place her finger on it. The days afterwards when she saw him she felt like scratching her head and staring. She wasn't sure if she was totally comfortable with the feeling, but it didn't bother her either; but it didn't make her feel comfortable. It made her think that she still didn't know things about Taichi, even after the fact that he was always there for her. She was terrified he would stop playing karuta; she was terrified that he was moving away from her and that he would be too far away to her to touch.

"Taichi."

"Mmmmm?" His bangs hung low on his face so she could barely look at his eyes.

_Stay with me! _"Can I see you this weekend?"

Taichi's head shot up, and his hair smacked up on his forehead. "Eh-ehh? What?"

Chihaya bit her lip, her hands at her sides. They were now at her house. Taichi's bangs were settling down, and the strands, which were usually separated, stuck in one soft looking clump. She stepped on her tiptoes and to use her hand to shift it away. Taichi's big golden eyes blinked back at her. _Errrrrrrrrrrr. It's just Taichi, little ole' Taichi. _

"Let's go get some cake again! Or go shopping! Or get chocolate! I don't care, let's go somewhere, please. Can we, please?" She clapped her hands together.

Taichi sighed and grabbed at the hair at the back of his head. "Ok, alright! Alright. I have cram school in the morning. Ok. Ok. What, you don't want to watch the Queen match?" A pause. "Then, um, how about two on Saturday."

"Really? Will you?" Chihaya giggled. She was going to hug Taichi, but he had turned so all she saw was his back.

"Make sure you sleep well, ok? You do remember we have a chemistry test, right?"

Chihaya hadn't. She scampered up the steps of her house in response.

Taichi's laugh sounded warm and sweet.

Taichi felt like sweet.

Chihaya squatted down behind the door, and watched as Taichi walked away. His silhouette was sweet too.

When he was gone Chihaya put her head on the tops of her knees and waited. _I wonder what Arata feels like. Does he feel sweet like Taichi?_

_ Probably not. Maybe he feels magical. _

Chihaya picked at the grass, throwing fistfuls of bright, sharp bits into the air. The air around her was cold and dry and unrelentingly unbreathable.

_Though I would hide it, In my face it still appears,-My fond secret love. _

Chihaya raised her head off her knee. _Mmm? Huh?_

_ Maybe I should go to sleep._

She got up and opened the door with a click. Inside, everything was dark except for a single lap all the way at the corner of the kitchen. She stepped inside, unusually glad that her parents didn't really pay as much attention as to care whenever she managed to get home.

She almost went into her room, but struck by thoughts of the night kept her beside the door. She wandered around the house, and finally ambled into the living room. On the coffee table lay the tape for the Queen match, even though Chihaya had left it in the player. Her sister must have taken it up to watch something else. Chihaya ran her fingers across it, wondering how many times Taichi had actually seen the Meijin match, and if Arata was thinking this too.

Chihaya fell asleep on the couch, thinking of karuta and Arata and the soft feel of Taichi's messy hair.

-CF- 

"Look, Taichi, a Godiva store!"

"NoIamnotbuyingyouchocolate," Taichi said flatly.

"Whut." Chihaya pouted, then smacked her purse against the small of Taichi's back. "Hmph! I didn't ask you for it anyways!"

Taichi frowned and adjusted his book bag so it was on his back. "Don't do that."

Chihaya blinked. Taichi's eyes were getting golden again and he looked like he was pink. Did she hurt him? She turned away her head and watched her shoes, which were his sister's three inch heeled boots with trendy straps.

Chitose had a tendency to pick out tight fitting, light clothing, and Chihaya resented the feel of the skinny jeans and the pink, ruffled sleeveless top. "Sorry, Taichi.."

"Don't hit guys so much."

Chihaya felt the strangeness again. They walked a few lengths with Chihaya wobbling on her tall heeled boots.

"Do you want to go get something to eat over there at that cafe?" Taichi said, resting a hand on her shoulder and pointing to the fancy looking restaurant across the street. His voice was so surprisingly gentle that Chihaya reached up to rub at her eyes.

"I'll pay," they both said at the same time. They both spun around to look at each other, both wearing indignant faces.

"I owe you for the cake," Chihaya pointed out blatantly, but Taichi only shook his head.

"No," he said simply, and then he crossed the street, his Converse slapping against the concrete of the ground. The curves of his fitted green shirt shifted around his shoulders.

Chihaya dashed after him, but ended up running so fast that she smashed into him at the end of the crosswalk. The fall took her breath away, but Taichi whipped around and leaned so that his arms clutched at Chihaya's waist so fast so that her head barely missed the pavement.

"Hayyyyy," Chihaya uttered, trying to adjust herself up up on Taichi, who amazingly did not crumble under her weight. _When did Taichi get buff, man?_ she thought jokingly in her head. As her hair dangled over the dirty sidewalk, her vision cleared and she gasped.

_What the in the-_

"Tai-tai-taichi!" Chihaya finally stood up on her boots, her eyes trained in on the sight in front of her. Taichi's hands lingered tentatively on her waist, and he turned to look where she was frantically pointing.

_It's Desktomu and Kana-chan!_

"Taichi taichi taichi! They're having a date!"

Taichi's left hand stayed on her waist. The right one slapped itself over her mouth and cupped it viciously. "Chihaya! Don't bother them!"

"Mleeftfgosdmfofmfefniwannnasfdosea" Chihaya screeched.

Desktoumu was wearing a button-down plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and nice jeans. Kana-chan was wearing a yellow chiffon dress with a sweetheart neckline. They were sitting outside, on black wire chairs, finishing the last bits of a cheesecake. Both their eyes were glittering.

"Omeeeeeeeegyfucikrggosjfd."

"Chihaya, stop! You don't know that!" Taichi's hand left her waist, and suddenly Chihaya found herself being dragged away from the godly sight. And she couldn't say anything because her voice was muffled, this time by the inside of Taichi's armpit.

_Oh, that's where the apple scent comes from. It's his deodorant. _She could also smell his cologne too. Chihaya fidgeted and yelled and flailed around.

Out of the corner of her right eye, Chihaya could stop Kana-chan pushing in her chair and smiling. _They're leaving!_

Fired up, Chihaya flung her legs between Taichi's. He gave a surprised huff and let her go, giving her time to fling herself towards the unsuspecting couple.

Just as she approached the cafe and could see Desktomu opening the door for Kana-chan, Taichi came up behind her and yanked her into the alley beside it. _Crap, I haven't had track for a couple years now...Taichi's gotten faster than me. _

"Chihaya, stop it before I force feed candy down your throat."

"I wouldn't mind, I like candy!" Chihaya snapped back, trying to slap away his hands unsuccessfully. _I never noticed that they liked each other._

_ When did Taichi's hands get this big? _

Everything about this situation she got herself into annoyed her. The obscured view of the couple, the smell of chicken fingers and Taichi's hands and the fact that they felt so different than she'd thought.

Finally, she stopped squirming around and resigned herself, pursuing her lips violently hard. "Hurrrrrrr."

"Have some respect Chihaya...I bet they didn't tell us because they want to keep their relationship private for now, or something, or maybe they're not even on a date. Just calm down and think, will you?"

Chihaya closed her eyes. She felt the warm embrace of Taichi's hands slip off, but she didn't move.

"I didn't even know that they liked each other."

"That's because you don't notice anything."

Taichi's words had a huffy exasperation. Chihaya opened her eyes and raised her head so she could see his eyes, and his thick, thick eyelashes rimming the edge.

"But I-I'm the captain. I should have seen something," Chihaya murmured. She reached up a hand to wipe the droplets of sweat at her brow.

She could almost hear them walking away. Chihaya rubbed more furiously.

After a pause, she heard Taichi say with a sigh, "Do you want to follow them?"

Chihaya stopped rubbing. "What? Can we? Can we?"

Taichi walked past her, his hands in his pockets. "As long as they don't see us, I guess it's ok to watch over them." His neck bone was really prominent, Chihaya noticed with almost a bit of wonderment, as Taichi touched it absentmindedly. _I notice things. What's he talking about, that Taichi! _

Chihaya caught up to him, humming a love song tune.

-CF-

Chihaya observed as Kana-chan and Desktomu walked around leisurely, laughing and touching each other lightly. Taichi walked a few paces behind her, constantly hissing at her to fall back, sometimes pulling her back by fabric of her shirt. Chihaya was undaunted, and excitedly creeped on their excursions through a good deal of many shops. In one case, she watched as Desktomu bought Kana-chan a booklet of flower-lined stationery.

She and Taichi hid behind a shelf of j-pop CD's, Taichi uncomfortable trying to look nonchalant pulling down and examining CD descriptions upside down, and Chihaya straining on her toes, whipping around her head over and over again with her back straightened out against the shelf.

"Shhhh!" Chihaya cried.

"I didn't say anything," Taichi moaned helplessly, slamming his head against a collection of CD's with shirtless boys on the covers.

"Oh."

"Let's just goooo," Taichi complained, his voice only half as audible against the shiny surface of the CD's.

"Now you're saying something!" Chihaya twitched, and used to leg to poke at Taichi's. "Shut up, Kana-chan's saying something to Desktomu!"

Taichi sighed and straightened himself. "When did you get so interested in love?"

Chihaya stopped mid-way between stealing a glance of Kana-chan and Desktomu. _What?_

She felt Taichi's eyes boring into her back. Slowly, she looked back to meet them.

"Huh?"

"Nevermind." Taichi resumed taking out CD's. He happened on those he had laid his head on, and upon seeing the front covers, juggled it around before shoving them back into their respective spots.

_When did you get so interested in love? _

Chihaya stopped leaning over. _Love?_

She tapped her boots. _I don't know anything about that. Am I interested in it?_

Before she could think on the thought any further, Kana-chan and Desktomu were headed out the smooth sliding doors of the store. "Let's go!" Chihaya cried, sliding across the porcelain floors. Taichi groaned, and followed her tiredly.

As they stepped out, Chihaya heard a voice resoundingly suave in the air. "What's your name, young man?"

Chihaya stopped. She turned her head. A young looking woman in a business suit and black pumps had her slender fingers wrapped around Taichi's shoulder.

_ Huh?_

"Um, Mashima? Is there something you need, mam'?" Taichi responded politely, but taking a few steps so that the woman's hand slipped off.

The woman dug around in her big red purse and fished out a card. "Here!" she declared proudly, waving around the card carelessly so the text was basically black curves around her head. "I'm a talent agent. You're a very attractive young man, Mashima. I think we could find some use for you the industry."

"Taichi! Someone's scouting you!" Chihaya cried in surprise and pride, rushing to his side. _How incredible! I thought only things like this happened in tv!_

"Er, thanks! That's really flattering. But I have other priorities right now, so I'm not interested," he said curtly, touching the back of his neck. The woman's eyes wandered to the spot lay and she narrowed her eyes.

"You've got a great looking neck...all your features are picture perfect," the woman cooed. Chihaya frowned all of a sudden, struck with a sudden bout of annoyance with someone looking at Taichi and seeing things she couldn't see so quickly.

"Sorry again, but I'm really not avaliable for this kind of stuff. Besides, Chihaya's much better looking than me; you should be talking to her!"

The woman looked at Chihaya, then his eyes slipped off and went right back to Taichi. "Oh yes, but we've been looking for boys, not girls. You'd be the perfect for our agency!"

People around them were starting to look at them. Chihaya had never been scared of a crowd, but now, she shied away, sidestepping until she was behind Taichi.

"I insist, I cannot." Taichi seemed to copy Chihaya's uneasiness, and grabbed her skinny arm.

The woman's eyes flashed. "Then at least take my card," she purred, her head lowering.

"Alright." Taichi snatched the card, and without another word or farewell, strolled away, his hand still on Chihaya's arm. Chihaya watched the back of his head, feeling relieved and guilty and confused all at once.

"Prez?"

_Oh, shit. _

Taichi and Chihaya twisted around to find Kana-chan and Desktomu's huge, wondering eyes. Taichi let out a sigh under his breath.

"My gosh, it's really you!" Kana-chan's eye swiveled back on Taichi, to Chihaya, then to Taichi's again. She grinned a silly grin. "What are you guys doing?"

Taichi lifted his hand up to his mouth. "Just going to the bookstore. I'm helping Chihaya study, you know how it is."

"Mmm. But we both know where you live, and the closest bookstore isn't in this direction, is it?" Desktomu's raised eyebrows made Chihaya twitch.

"You're right, I'm sorry, we-"

"-are on a date." Taichi's hand slipped down and locked itself with Chihaya's.

_Whut._

Chihaya felt her mouth open, but she didn't say a word at all. Her boots were getting really tight and uncomfortable now.

Kana-chan and Desktomu's eyes both widened. Kana-chan clapped her hands and stared directly at Taichi.

"Hmm. Well, in that case, we won't bother you," Desktomu said, with shifting eyes. "It's nice-"

"Let's just keep this a secret from everyone else," Taichi replied coolly. "Are you guys totally ok with people knowing you guys are together?"

Both of the karuta members turned bright red. "Um, no, it's not what you're thinking, like, it, errrr..." Kana-chan stammered out.

Taichi just winked. "It's nice to not have everyone know, am I right? So is this between us?"

Chihaya still couldn't speak; plus Taichi's grip on her hand was so tight and shocking she couldn't have managed a few words anyways.

"N-no-no-s-see-see-" Kana-chan tried.

Desktomu touched Kana-chan's arm. "No, Kanade. It's ok."

_Kanade?_

Kana-chan shook her head. "Oh whatever. Prez, just continue your date."

"We agree," Desktomu added softly, as Kana-chan pitter-patter away, her blush spreading to the tips of her ears.

Chihaya finally began to stutter as they left. "Tai-tai-tai-"

"Shhhh," Taichi shushed. "I know you want to hit me, but just wait until they're gone alright? Then you can hit me all you want."

Chihaya didn't say anything. Instead she dipped her head, and lightly unfurled her fingers and curled them around Taichi's.

For the first time ever, she paid attention to Taichi's breathing, which was sharp, and rough sounding. _Like a guy's, _she acknowledged.

-CF-

Kana-chan and Desktomu had been long gone, but Taichi was still holding her hand.

They'd spent the whole day essentially stalking Kana-chan and Desktomu, and with a silent acknowledgement were now heading home. _I guess he's going to walk me back home._

Taichi's palms a bit sweaty; it wasn't particularly uncomfortable, yet Chihaya didn't want to keep holding it, and also she wanted to keep holding it.She had held hands with Taichi plenty of times, especially during their childhood, and it was nice and comforting and sweet. But right now, she just wanted to yank her hand away, and dash away. Yet here she was, still holding her hand, and still trying to figure out what she was feeling.

Chihaya held up her free hand and wiped her forehead. _Though I would hide it, In my face it still appears,-my fond, secret love._

_ Huh?_

"I should probably get to bed, after all that sneaking," Chihaya joked half-heartedly. The sundown beamed orange light over Taichi's figure, making his eyes seem even more golden-looking.

_ His hand, it's sweet, as usual. But it feels so different. I don't know this hand. Maybe he's right, about me not knowing things. I didn't know it was this big. _

"Hey, are you ok?"

_And now he questions me:, "Is something bothering you?"_

"Um, yeah, duh!" She gave jittery sounding laugh, still wiping at her forehead.

"Chihaya, we've been standing in front of your house for a while now." Taichi's hand was getting really hot; it was like a burning furnace. Still Chihaya didn't let go.

_It's just Taichi. It's just little ole' Taichi. _

"Oh. I guess, um. I'll see you Monday." Chihaya lowered her free hand. She was anticipating Taichi's removal of his hand, but when it happened, Chihaya felt somewhat crushed inside, like how she felt when she first saw Arata after a long time.

"Ok. Alright. Ok, bye, Chihaya," Taichi swiveled around on his feet. There was a pause, very audible, and then Chihaya closed her eyes and heard Taichi walking away.

She went up to the front door, and like last night, squatted down and hugged her knees, expect this time she wasn't thinking of Arata and lonely thoughts.

_You've got a great looking neck. _

Chihaya blinked over and over again. She stared at the skin stretched over Taichi's neckbone, and thought of the way Taichi said her name, "_Chiii-hiiaaa."_

It was only until she was out of her sight that Chihaya realized she wasn't breathing properly. With a twitch and a sigh, she got up and dusted her jeans, glad she could stay off her boots in the house.

_Arata, where are you?_

Chihaya opened the front door with a click, but she didn't go in.

Then she shook her head. It wasn't as if she hadn't felt this way around Taichi sometimes, after all, it was just Taichi. Taichi could be really unexpected sometimes.

She threw one last glance towards Taichi's direction; he was definitely already gone. _Stop thinking about weird stuff like that, _she finally decided, heading inside the house and then turning on the tv. The Queen match was already flashing brightly on it, pixels streaking across the screen, and Chihaya sat down with the remote.

[END Circumspect]

_-_CH-

**Since I have this terrible ass disease where I can only fricking write in the middle of the night, it's quite a treacherous task writing this fic. I have written until six in the morning. How classy. I tried, you know?**

**Thanks for reading.**


	3. Rectitude

Title: Altruism

Status: Ongoing. Long extention because I don't foresee an end to the obsession too soon. 9 chapters dutifully planned.

Pairings: Chihaya x Taichi. There are other much less significant ships.

Warnings: I've read stuff where Arata's accent is simulated; personally I choose to leave him talking in normal text for prose-wise manners. I looked up some meta to write this one. The next few chapters will offer some more clarification, if that helps.

Comments: Perhaps I like using Taichi as an outlet for my own thoughts on romance. I am a walking, talking contradiction. One example of this is while I am an extreme romantic, and my guilty pleasure is shoujo manga and such, it's so extreme to the point of ultimate cynicism. Why? Not sure.

Chapter Three:

It was in middle school when Taichi realized he'd never be good enough to beat Arata, no matter how he tried. In high school, he realized he could try for a much more attainable, maybe even more satisfying goal-to beat Chihaya.

Because if he beat Chihaya, he would get her to see him. Not Taichi Mashima, the person beside her the whole entire time and her lifelong friend. But Taichi, the person beside her the whole entire time who worked hard because he loved her.

Taichi was thinking about such, when, a day after the embarrassing, awkward, precious date he'd had with Chihaya, Arata called him.

Taichi was again, studying into the night, when his phone rang and his heart skipped a beat. I_s it Chihaya again? _He got off his chair this time to walk not-so-leisurely across the room so he could fetch the smartphone off the shelf next to his door.

To his disappointment and surprise and fear, the caller ID was Arata. He hesitated over the blinking, pixelated letters. He had never thought that five words would force him to feel emotions he'd much rather not feel. He lingered for a long moment while deciding whether or not to pick it up, figured himself foolish, and swiped his thumb over the screen.

"Yooo, Taichi!" The voice on the receiver was cheerful and sweet. Taichi played around with the trinkets hanging off from his phone. _The air in here feels so stale. I have to ask my mother to change out the filters in the air conditioners. _

"Hi, Arata."

"How are you doing?"

Taichi wanted to say, "Fine, yes, why did you call Chihaya that day and what did you say to make her act that way" or "Bad, because I told myself that I'd win over Chihaya, but I can't stop thinking and knowing that you'll win."

"Ehhh...I guess I'm feeling pretty bored. I've been trying to work out this particular math problem out for a while now. I think I have it, but I just need to get the complete hang out it, you know? Teachers are so picky with the work you've laid out, especially in math!"

"Ahahaha! Same here! You gotta go for what the teachers want, right?"

Taichi paused. It occurred to him, suddenly, how intelligent Arata must be. He knew it shouldn't matter, but…

"What rank are you over at Fukui?"

"Mmmm?"

"Rank. Do they give you all number ranks?"

"Oh yeah! I bet you're at the top of his class, aren't you Taichi? I'm only at number three. But don't worry, I'm working on it!"

_Number three. _Taichi felt like he should be happier, but he didn't, and he suspected why. "Do you go to cram school or get tutoring?" Taichi swiveled back away from his desk, looking outside the window again. If Chihaya called him out at this time, it'd be impossible to give his mom a proper excuse expect for obviously false emergencies.

"No, practicing karuta takes up too much time. And um, I don't think my family could afford it. I mean, they already have to pay for the tournaments, and everything. And I-well, I'm planning…"

Taichi wasn't listening. He was thinking about how in elementary school, where Arata demonstrated his top notch, amazing memorizing skills. Even in comparison to Taichi, it was off the charts. _So if he went to cram school and got tutoring, he'd probably be at the top, huh? _

If he had all the resources Taichi had, then there was no doubt he'd be the top at Tokyo too.

Taichi wasn't sure what he felt of that. So instead he pushed himself back to the desk, and clutched at the rim with his fingers. He thought about laying his head down, but then he'd look stupid, and Taichi had already look stupid for many times in his life, especially when he was chasing around a karuta idiot who wouldn't look at him.

"Taichi? Hello? Are you listening to me at all?"

"Mmm?" The audio had been a slight buzz in his ears the entire time. Taichi shook his head, even if Arata couldn't see, and then dropped his hand. It fell off the desk and hung there at the side of his chair, like a disemboweled limb.

"I said, will you come with me?"

Taichi winced. He didn't want to seem ruder than he must have already been to Arata, asking such a blunt question. "Um, yeah. Sure."

"Ok! So next Saturday, at the station, at noon, ok?" _I would miss some of cram school. Well. _

_But this station? The one in Tokyo? What does he want to do here? No way, does he want to visit Chihaya or something?_

Taichi ruffled his hair and leaned back on his chair. _Would it be appropriate right now, just to ask where we're going? _"Repeat the plan to me, again?"

"We're going to tour Tokyo University first, because that would be my top choice, and then have lunch, and then visit the smaller colleges around Tokyo. You sure you don't have anything to do next Saturday?"

"No. Well, I mean, I've got cram school, but I can manage to miss that. I've missed quite a lot of it for tournaments already," Taichi said truthfully. _So I'm guessing he wants to look at the colleges around here I guess. Check out his options. As usual he's making smart, informed decisions. _

And then-"Shouldn't you be asking Chihaya this?" _After all, you were the one to say that she doesn't belong to either of us, and you know she's not my girlfriend._

A pause on the phone. Then a laugh. "Can you imagine Chihaya accompanying me? Oh, she'd mess it all up."

"Of course," Taichi replied curtly. _Of course. Arata's always right. Of course I would be the one to think to take advantage of that opportunity. _

Taichi didn't know why he was getting so annoyed by Arata's friendly, easy-going words, but he was. He was also annoyed with his stiff, clean replies. This whole entire conversation was annoying the heck out of him.

Taichi rearranged himself on his chair, sitting up properly and removing his dangling arm from the side and placing it into his lap. "Saturday it is."

-CF-

The next day, on a clear Monday morning, Taichi waved Chihaya goodbye as she scampered off to her class, before he felt a harsh tug at the bottom of his sleeve.

"Hey!" _I just got the shirt ironed yesterday! _Taichi whipped around, and found himself staring into Oe-san's indignant eyes.

"Can I speak with you Prez?" Her huge eyes shined, blinding him with their fierce glare.

"Er…there's a math test first thing in the morning, and I was planning to go over some stuff before the test began."

"Maaaa..shi….MAAA." Oe-san cried, jumping up and down, both of her hands tugging and making new folds into Taichi's freshly ironed shirt. _Arrghh! _

"Confessing? First thing in the morning? How crude!" A few girls, walking by, gossiped in hushed voices in a huddled clump. Taichi eyed their mascara caked eyelashes and kooky braids and pony tails sticking out of their hair so their heads looked like water spouts. _Girls' fashions these days_, Taichi thought, thinking about the one loose side braid Chihaya had worn on the left side of her hair last week. It had looked cute, at least, on her it. Not on these girls.

Oe-san sucked in her lips, her chest heaving up and down, and her eyes popped all cartoon-like with her sparse eyelashes looking like they were about to fall off.

_Awww, shit. _No one knew like any of the karuta members how much Oe-san despised looking anything less than elegant. He narrowed his eyes on the girls. One of them tugged at the others sleeve, and they held up their manicured fingers up to their lip-glossed mouths before ambling off.

"PREZ!"

"Ok, ok." And so Taichi lifted up his book bag and heaved it up over his shoulder, before taking a regretful peek into the math papers he'd specially tucked into the front pocket while eating breakfast that morning. _Maybe I'll get to look at you just before classssssssss-_and Oe-san pulled the stiff, ironed back of his shirt, spinning him around and making skids in his shoes.

-CF-

"We're not dating." Oe-san had pulled him into a hallway off away from the classrooms, where the pillars where old and the windows mostly stuck. The classrooms in here were abandoned and usually used for club storage.

"Mmm?"

"Tsu…er, Komano-kun and I aren't dating!" Oe-san declared fists at her hips, back bent and her mouth wide open.

"Really?" Taichi muttered dryly. "I wouldn't have guessed."

"We just…ahhhhh. How to say? We just…like, we confirmed…affirmed….that, er, like, feelings, we had feelings, the feels, we had, feelings, for, us, NO, the team, NO us, NO like as in like we are not dating but like as in like…"

Oe-san's mixed, scrambled speech both scared and amused Taichi as he felt a surge of fond affection for the girl. He'd never seen her use that many "like"s in one sentence, never less seen her talking so…un-elegantly. He shook his head once. Chihaya wouldn't have suspected, but Taichi knew.

"I figured as much, duh. So what? Did you guys acknowledge that you liked each other? But then, Komano-kun would want to focus on his studying, and you probably think you're not ready for love for something like that, so you guys just left it like the way you guys are now. Am I right or not?"

Oe-san opened her mouth again, only to snap back and give a slow nod and then, tiny shakes. "Er…you have the idea."

In fell one swoop Taichi had easily confirmed all of his suspicions and wonderings about the couple. _If only Chihaya could be like this, then she'd know about me and she wouldn't brush across my arm without meaning anything. _

Oe-san recovered in a matter of mili-seconds. "But you! Chihaya! Omigosh! I can't even begin to describe my-"

"We're not dating either." Taichi said in a flagrant manner and a sheepish rub on the head. Oe-san blinked, and then started to sag as if she was inflated balloon and a needle had been struck on her surface.

"There's….there's no way…she..no. You were holding hands, and she was blushing red as a rose, and…"

_Blushing?_ Taichi shook his head and looked at the tiled floor between his shoes. _I wish. _He couldn't, however, stop himself from feeling immediately more lifted.

"Prez! It's possible she may have realized her feelings for you! You have got to try harder!" Oe-san's eyes flashed with determination and she frustratedly stamped her tiny feet on the ground. Taichi chuckled a bit and gave her a little smile. There was no way he was going to admit to her that he had already made a silent declaration to try harder. Instead, he bent down, and, after a moment's hesitation, gave her a quick affectionate peck on the forehead, before strolling off to class with his hands in his pockets.

"Prez! You reserve these gestures for your future girlfriend, you hear?"

"I know!" Taichi yelled back, grinning idiotically, before remembering the test, after which he sprinted to class.

-CF-

Taichi got himself up off from the tatami mat, from which across Chihaya watched, bent at her knees and her eyes big and wide. He was sweating a bit around his bangs and his neck, and he pulled up his shirt to wipe, before noticing Hanano-san staring at him with eyes stretched wider than Chihaya's. He let go of his shirt, and walked to the room's desk purposefully, where he sat down and laid his head on his head on his left hand. There was a ten card difference in this particular match, to no other than Chihaya, of course.

In actuality, that latest game had been better than the recent ones. He'd been totally off his game after losing to Chihaya and failing to even qualify for the Meijin finals. Slowly by slowly, he was coming back, but it was taking some time. He'd look up once or twice and see Chihaya's intense eyes, and be totally thrown off for the next few cards called.

_Crapfest. _He didn't know what to do anymore to try to win again. His karuta was broken, and he could feel the club members' eyes boring into his back, especially Chihaya's. They all knew he was coward, didn't they?

But he already vowed not to run away, and he was not going to quit karuta, as long as Chihaya was there, as long as he had the hope of winning. So he rested his head on his arms and breathed quietly. The sunlight streaming into the room from the French windows was, as usual, beautiful and simple, and Taichi watched shapes dance along the wooden boards of the room as the rest of the members finished up their matches.

"One more match?" Oe-san hovered over him after the practice was done, leaving shadows around his shoulders. She'd done the reading for this one, and it was fantastic and scholarly. _She's getting better every day…of course. _

"I-"

"Taichi!" Chihaya interrupted and she swooped down to his side, some of her hair mingling in with Taichi's. Taichi held his breath as he felt the strands quickly sliver off his head and rearrange his messy hair towards the ground. "Oe-san, maybe tomorrow, eh?"

Oe-san's shook her head widely. "O-Oh, ok…"

Taichi lifted his head off his shoulder and knitted his eyebrows at Chihaya. Even if Chihaya often wasn't thoughtful, even though she wouldn't relent to him in karuta, lately she would appear by his side, whether he wanted it or not. They'd been spending even more time together, if such was possible.

_She's afraid I'm going to run away. _The thought both annoyed and pleased Taichi. _At least she cares that much._

"Beside, you need time with Desktomu!" Chihaya said with a happy wink, to with Taichi replied with an automatic, loud cough and Oe-san a surprised stumble back. Nisida-kun whipped around from collecting his meat buns at the doorway while Hanono-san shared an inappropriate giggle with Tsukuba. Desktomu continued calmly writing in the last practice statics, as if he had not heard the words at all, and Taichi felt like laughing, because he might have not or he might have and Taichi envied the reaction anyways.

"Chi-Chihaya-chan!" Oe-san straightened up like a pin, her hands at the sides, and Taichi suppressed another laugh while standing up himself.

"I'll take care of it," he said with a nod to Oe-san, who had her eyes shut closed as if it would protect herself from the eyes staring at her, which it certainly didn't. With a fierce tug and a "What's up with you, baka!" Taichi efficiently dragged Chihaya out of the room as Oe-san had had in the morning.

-CF-

Outside, the air was nipping and drying, and the ground cold and damp. Despite this the sun was still going on strong, giving off blisteringly blinding sunrays which were deeply uncomfortable and annoying. In response, Taichi held up his hand over his eyes, and then on instinct rose up his book bag to Chihaya's face so he could protect Chihaya's eyes too. The moment Taichi realized it was a stupid idea was the moment Chihaya walked into it and fell like a limp lifeless bird. This time it was more impossible for Taichi's reflexes to catch Chihaya, but Taichi tried and epically failed by sliding and falling under as well.

Unfortunately and fortunately he fell nowhere near on top of her like a typical romantic TV scene, but instead rolled off to the side along with his book bag. Pages and pages spilled off from the pockets and Taichi was startled to find that his first thoughts after impact were the state of his studying papers and that Chihaya was an afterthought. Shaking his head, he checked on Chihaya, who was pouting and totally fine and sitting on her bottom; then he collected the sheets, glad of the lack of wind in the atmosphere.

"Taichi! What the heck!" A slap on the back as Taichi swiped the final sheet, which was one that he'd shoved in the front pocket to study that morning. "You were supposed to catch me!"

Taichi remembered the other day, where he'd caught Chihaya running into him, and grabbed her at her soft but tiny waist. Taichi bit his lip and then smacked Chihaya in the face with his now fully stuffed book bag. "So-reee."

"Hmmmmmmph," Chihaya huffed and shoot up carelessly. Taichi crawled up as well, brushing at his pants and was about to brush Chihaya's skirt too before realizing the implication and backing away a bit dramatically.

_Crap. I'm doing that thing again today._ Taichi occasionally would find himself finding reasons to touch Chihaya when he wasn't thinking, and then feeling incredibly stupid after, to the point where he was kicking around pillows and screaming internally in embarrassment alone in his room when he became clear-headed. He kept spinning around and skidding around on the pavement, like a dog trying to chase his tail, before noticing Chihaya walking away in a completely different direction than he had been thinking. Helplessly he trailed after her-_Oh, so I guess I'm going home first today-_and then, spiriting a bit so he could be there right by her side.

After a few long minutes of Chihaya talking about her newfound favorite subject, Shinobu's specific techniques and moves in the recent Queen match, they arrived at Taichi's huge two story house. Taichi waited for Chihaya's goodbye gesture, of which she could give a variety of. Most of the time it was a smile and goodbye wave, sometimes it was a touch on the arm and a fond gaze; on rare, very lucky occasions she'd give him a hug or ruffle and touch his hair. Once during their first year, sometime after the national tournament, she raised herself up on her toes and gave Taichi a kiss on the cheek. It had been full of totally platonic meaning and was so very painfully fleeting, with no love or particular strong affection; in fact it was much like the peck Taichi had given Oe-san in the morning. Yet it was still one of Taichi's most cherished memories, one of those memories that he could pull out in a whiff of a second if he needed any comfort. These bittersweet moments were his favorites in his everyday life, second to none expect the very second in the morning when he first saw Chihaya again.

Taichi waited for the moment when saves of warm feel-good emotions would flood over him as it always did. To his pleasure and surprise, and then horror, Chihaya stopped in the middle of the street and asked Taichi if he wanted to go out again this Saturday.

_No, no, Arata's coming this weekend._

_What am I supposed to tell her then? _

Taichi certainly didn't want Chihaya to know that Arata was coming to Tokyo for a spin, but he didn't want to outright lie to her either. The times he had lied to Chihaya were rare and few and he didn't want to keep piling them up.

So Taichi negotiated in his head for a while, before he saw Chihaya's pouty frown and made a split second decision. "What about Sunday? I've been missing a lot of cram school for you and karuta, you know."

"You and karuta" were not exactly the words Taichi had intended to say; however, Chihaya seemed perfectly content with the response and spun n her heel excitedly. "Let's go to the mall this time!"

Taichi made an imperceptible shake of the head, and then pressed his palm into her collarbone. "Ok. Chihaya." _She probably…is still scared…that I will leave her…_

_When it is reality, it almost is that…not being able to tell her about Arata for fear that he'll steal her away…I'm still as much as a coward as I was years ago._

Chihaya's hand wrapped around at his arm near his elbow, and gently brought it down. "It's a date!" She gave a silly grin and a peace sign before running off, the soles of her shoes stamping on the concrete ground and giving off little puffs of dust.

_So today it's a peace sign and a smile today, huh? _ Taichi headed up inside, only enjoying half of the usual warm feelings.

_How can I tell her that I'll be meeting Arata? If I tell her surely she'll want to come along, and I can't risk that. _

_Well, I can. But I'm not enough of a man to do so._

Taichi climbed upstairs to his room, where he knew he was going to be facing another long night of karuta practice, schoolwork, Mom's lectures and feeling plain shitty.

-CF-

On Saturday morning, Taichi work up early and busied himself taking a shower and picking out clothes and trying to make his hair tamer. His mom made a breakfast of mochi and mixed vegetables with eggs and bits of sautéed beef.

Today his mom was wearing a top with glitzy sequins and green mint pants with flare at the bottom. Her legs were crossed and Taichi could see the tips of her strappy high fashion high heels. Taichi didn't approach the plate of steaming, glistening food, even though he was hungry indeed. He decided to pour himself a glass of orange juice, trying not to look at his mother, whose narrowed glances and quiet sips of tea made him feel nervous.

After a moment while Taichi stood leaning on the kitchen island, drinking his juice in gulps, his mother called, "Why don't you come and have come breakfast, Taichi." It was phrased as if it was not a question or even a statement but a straightforward command. Taichi though about excusing himself outside in case of tardiness for cram school but he knew that his mother probably knew the exact time when Taichi went for it, and how many times he had skipped it for karuta. After a moment's hesitation he settled the mug down with a clink and then sat down across from his mother and her crossed legs.

_At least I get food. _Taichi wolfed down on the breakfast, not looking up to his mother, and his mother didn't bother him either until Taichi swallowed his last bite and put down his fork.

"Your father and I are planning a vacation for a week in America. Your sister wants to go. Would you like to go too?" His mother's words were very concise and simply stated, yet Taichi felt their impact. He pushed back his chair and finally met eye contact with her.

"No, I should stay for school here." Taichi replied. He'd strung his bag over the top pillars of the chair next to him, and now he retrieved it and slung it up his arm with quick motion of his arm.

"And karuta?" His mother set down the teacup on its saucer and looked back, her thin, wavy hair swinging. "You wouldn't want to miss practice for that as well."

His mother's blows were pointed and direct, and still after years and years Taichi couldn't get used to them. However, he could act perfectly indifferent, and that was the face he put on now.

"Sure. There are a lot of things I need to work for. Mom." Taichi finished off his drink still sitting on the island and dumped it unceremoniously into the sink. "Bye bye."

"Don't bring around your frumpy friends this time," his mother said, with another teacup clink. "Or that girl. I can't fathom why you're still friends with her."

Taichi closed the door on her. _Why am I still friends with Chihaya, Mom?_

Say, the immediate response would be, "I am in love with her;" however, Taichi would probably think otherwise, never less the fact it was straight up embarrassing. So what was the answer?

He fished out his smartphone and opened his music application and took a long moment to untangle the earbuds before inserting them in. He hadn't ever told Chihaya about meeting Arata either, even if Arata was only coming for that day. Every time he dropped off Chihaya at her house he'd hesitate over it for a second, and then promptly decide to tell her the next day with a hasty wave. At Friday, he'd stopped and stared at her, fumbling for words, before Chihaya gave him a cheerful goodbye wave first and he took it as a "sign" that not telling her was harmless. It was unnecessary to know, after all, it was just for a day and then Arata would be gone and it didn't really matter.

That was all bullshit. He'd filed the subject in his head and avoided it like the plague purposely. Every time it would come up he'd make excuses as to not take initiative, such as "there's a test, don't think about it right now" or "that's silly, stop thinking about silly stuff." When, in reality, it was big. It was huge for him and huge for Chihaya. In about a year Arata would be here, attending university, possibly by Chihaya's or Taichi's side. Whatever he choose what make a big impact on their decisions of where to go, especially Chihaya. Taichi knew that she still probably missed the days when they were all together. She would not be quick to have Arata even a little bit far from her side again if it was possible for him to be.

And Taichi did not want to figure out how he felt about it. And he still did not. He had already faced karuta and Chihaya head on, he had faced so many things head on and now he selfish and cowardly and just very, very tired.

"Taichi! Taichi! Hey, hey, over here!"

_Can't it be that there are only so many things that I can face?_

Arata was easy to pick out from a crowd. Blue eyes, white t-shirt and jeans, and glasses. Taichi wondered if he was still wearing the glasses that Taichi had stolen from him in sixth grade.

-CF-

"Thanks so much for coming, Taichi. I really appreciate that you took time out of your day today for me."

Taichi finished his bite of udon and waved his chopsticks over at Arata. "No problem, man. Ask any time. It's really nice to have you over again." _I suppose. _Taichi pushed Arata's bowl of noodles closer to Arata and nodded. The boy hadn't touched his chopsticks even once.

Over the course of two tiny colleges just barely around of Tokyo, Taichi and Arata had fallen back on their own haunts, teasing and joking and pushing and shoving each other around. However, there was still some kind of barbed tension between them, and Taichi would wonder if he had slapped Arata's back because he had wanted to or just to be more friendly, or if Arata laughed and smiled because he needed Taichi to be there to guide him.

_Still. I should be the one acting awkward, right?_ Taichi flicked his hands strongly at the bowl, giving Arata raised eyebrows the whole time. "We're touring Tokyo University after this right? Eat your stuff, you'll need the strength."

Arata blinked, and then picked up the chopsticks. "It just…feels like old times. You know, after karuta practice back then, we'd get something to eat from the drugstore or fast food places together, only you were the only one who could actually afford anything sufficient."

Taichi winced, but internally. Of course he remembered those days, but he didn't have any desire to talk about them. Arata didn't push the subject further and happily dug into his noodles. They sat in silence for a while, wolfing down their food and listening to the clicks of their chopsticks against the porcelain bowls. 

_He probably wants to ask me more about Chihaya. Either he's too shy or too worried about how I would react. _

Arata was the first one to finish, even though he started second. His chopsticks clattered against the side of the bowl, and he lifted his eyes to Taichi and gave a graceful smile with a tilt of his head. He had asked about Chihaya as soon as he had met up with Taichi, but Taichi had given him a short, terse answer ("she's fine, I guess") and Arata had just cheerfully changed the subject.

_I thought he was the one to say that Chihaya didn't belong to me. Both of us. _While looking at Arata's blue eyes, Taichi couldn't think properly, and suddenly blurted out, "Hey, hey. Don't you want to know more about Chihaya?"

Arata didn't even flinch, but he did raise an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. "Of course. How is she? How is she doing at the karuta world over at Tokyo? She's doing well, I'm assuming?"

Taichi was really regretting his recent ability to not think through things he did or said. "It's nice. Um, she's nice. She um." Taichi blinked and laid back into his seat more, letting go of his chopsticks, wondering how it would feel to let go. "She said she called you a while ago."

Arata's knowing smile really irritated Taichi. "Oh yeah! No, um, I called her. Yeah, like I…you know, obviously, I wanted to see how see was doing and all."

"Do you like her?"

Arata stared at him. Taichi's hand was still positioned over his noodle bowl, and his eyes weren't meeting his friend's. It was hard to hear the tone of the question. It sounded simple and sword-like, and was repeated. "Do you like her?"

"No."

The word tasted funny, Taichi decided, as he scooped soup into his mouth, thinking that if anyone noticed the tremor in his hand that they had to be very perceptive. "Why not?"

It felt funny to let go too.

"I'd put karuta over her. That isn't right."

_That isn't right._

_That isn't right. _

_That isn't right._

"So you're saying that having a goal to chase isn't right?"

"No, I'm saying that putting anything over a girl like her isn't right."

Taichi laid his spoon down into the bowl. He hadn't looked at Arata once throughout that conversation, and he really wanted to throw up.

[END Rectitude]

-CF-

**Sorry for how long this update took. A month? I think? More than a month. Actually I can't say sorry for this one. I did say when summer ended that updates would be incredibly slow and this will be the case enacted now. Each update will take as long as one to three months, as much I need to take. In exchange I'll try to provide writing of O.K. caliber and good substantial length. If I do go past three months than I'll modify the planned chapters so I can at least provide something to indicate that I'm alive. **

**I might, just might, enforce my Na Ni Wri Mo goal on this fic. I know that that event is for you to write a novel in a month but one of the ideals presented is to write quickly and deliberately force aside time for word length; I might impose that idea on this fic to maybe provide like three chapters in one month, I dunno. I just think it's a cool idea to write a ton of stuff in a short amount of time-but honestly I've never completed a full 50k Na Ni Wri Mo. Once a 50k, last year a 15k. As time goes on and I sign up for more and more too ambitious courses I'm just writing less creative fiction and more matter-of-fact prose tailored for the AP exams and the SAT. (Which is why I sound like a complete boob right now-I'm writing this end note right after I wrote a history essay. I promised I didn't write the fic during any of my essay-minded periods.) Anyways, after the PSAT in October my writing will be more literary driven again, which is good because it's going to be needed. I actually think that style was good for this chapter and Taichi right now, considering the direction I took it in; but you can leave your comments if you would like to too. As usual I will be taking them in deep consideration. I appreciate every word. **

**Thanks for reading. **


	4. Tenuous

Title: Altruism

Status: Ongoing. 8 chapters planned, I think I overestimated a little bit. Anyways the planning is always going to be a bit rough this…relatively early in. I know how I want it to end, but I can't settle in the middle since that's particularly critical.

Pairings: Taichi x Chihaya. There are some much less significant ships.

Warnings: I'm practicing writing high tension. You should tell me how I did.

Comments: Did ya'll see the new Chihayafuru chapters? Helll. Chihaya can take Taichi; I sure will have some that cute megane blushing. (Actually that chapter was really heartbreaking. So many events happening. I'm a bit lax on Taichi love lately too, but he's still amazing, nevertheless. And Desktomu admitted it. Holla! Looks like I called it. In any case, I'm hoping a good ending for both Arata and Taichi.) Also, please just start thinking of this as an alternative path where Arata did not confess rather than an extension of the manga in the future, since that confession basically changes everything. The author's been really skirting around the heart of the matter; but I am really glad that at least we're finally getting somewhere, even if not in the direction I was wanting.

Chapter Four:

When Chihaya woke up next morning, she was in a particularly good mood. The birds twitted outside in a melodious tone, her pajamas were fuzzy and comforting, and she had just dreamed about being handed the trophy for the queen of karuta.

What a great morning.

Which was just about ruined by Taichi standing outside her bedroom door.

"What the FUCK?" Chihaya glared at Taichi through her sleepy, spotted vision. "What the hell are you doing in here?"

Taichi slouched against the door, leaning his left leg over his right foot, silently cracking up with a hand cupped over his mouth. "Hey."

"'Hey,' that's damn right. I was just about to get that trophy until you woke me up. Not fair at all. That's some shit. "

"I've never heard you curse this much in my life. Where did you learn 'that's some shit?'" Taichi's hand now covered the span of his face and his eyes. His fingers were slender and soft looking and his face was red, from laughter presumably. Chihaya felt herself go red at his amusement, and suddenly realized the fact that Taichi was standing in her messy, messy room, and that they were alone.

_Don't go into a boy's room so causally. _

"Shaddup," Chihaya mumbled, rubbing her hands at her eyes, her face, her hair. _What do I look like? Is this really regular? He shouldn't be in here; isn't there a line between being in rooms and things? How did he get past Mom and Dad?_

Taichi stopped laughing, and calmly shifted around in his position on the door frame. He lightly tapped at the wood of the painted door-hollow clacks. His mouth was set in a straight line, and Chihaya looked away grumpily. "Aren't you supposed to be here later?"

_Clunck._"Yeah."

_Clunck. _"I was."

_Clunck. _"But I'm here now."

_Clunck. _"…do you want me to go?"

Chihaya shook her head and gripped the edge of her bed frame. "No way! I just need to…go take a shower."

The longer he stood there, and the more alert Chihaya was, the more her head spun, and the more agitated she felt. What she really wanted was for Taichi to get out of her room; but also she did want to hang out with him; and she really didn't know because she was _so sleepy _and _there were so many potato chip bags on the floor. _

"Yeah?" Taichi's hair hung over his forehead, and he was wearing a red baseball cap so Chihaya couldn't see his eyes. "So, you want me here?"

"Yeah, I always want you."

Well, that didn't particularly come out as well as Chihaya had wanted it, but it worked.

Instead of retorting something sarcastic and clever, Taichi whipped around so quickly that he was a complete blur as he shut the door on her. Chihaya could hear his back settle against the door with a hollow thump.

"Alright, I'll wait outside. Go take your shower." His muffled voice cracked, and Chihaya breathed a shallow breath. She heard his footsteps patter away. Chihaya rested her head on her forehead, trying to think, but not thinking. Out of hindsight her karuta cards were spread out messily over the wooden boards of her floor, and the tatami mat was rolled up right next to her bed. It was suddenly more comfortable for Chihaya to think about the cards, with their potential and loss and hardship and adventure, than about her precedent childhood friend waiting outside.

What a time to be sleepy. Chihaya shook her head and stepped inside the bathroom, trying to gather the wisps of memory that was that wonderful dream.

-CF-

A good scrubbing down later, Chihaya was stuffing rice balls in her mouth and Taichi was Taichi again, strolling beside her, strutting off trendy clothes as usual. Which Chihaya had no doubt teased him of, just when her sleepiness completely wore off.

"Taichi, Taaaichi Taichi. What are you even planning to do?" Chihaya pinched the fabric of Taichi's tan colored cardigan after she had licked the remains of the rice off her fingers and watched Taichi squirm away, a bit too quickly for her taste. She was cold and definitely regretting assuming that the forecast from last night was correct. "You should buy clothes for me, you know. I like your clothes better my sister's. Mine."

Taichi pulled his cap down lower, and Chihaya felt irritated. She couldn't see his expression at all, and she was tempted to snatch the baseball cap right off his head and tell him so.

_If I'm thinking about it, he always wears clothes like this when it's not school. _Chihaya pouted and pouted, and then turned over and ran her hands up and down her bare arms, looking off to the side and harrumphing. _If you were just going to ignore me this whole time, then what's the point? I could be playing karuta. _

She felt wool thrown and draped around her shoulders, and then a hand dangerously close to the nape of her neck. She tried not to shiver. "Geez, Chihaya, it's so easy to tell what you're thinking about, all the time. You're so easy to read that it's frustrating."

Chihaya blinked, her eyes wide. Slowly she rearranged the cardigan around her body, and wrapped it more tightly to the point she could feel the threads stretch across her palms. "Whereas, I can't figure you out at all," she said.

They walked a few steps silently, and then Chihaya felt Taichi's fingers again, this time on her hair, fitting something on her head. His baseball cap.

"You don't really have the right to say that."

Chihaya couldn't tell what tone of voice he was using. She wished he wouldn't keep putting his fingers so near her neck. She wanted to sneeze and rest her head on Taichi chest; but for some reason the idea totally scared her, so she rubbed her clogged nose and peered at Taichi.

"Your eyes. They're really red…hey, HEY! Taichi!" Chihaya stood on her tiptoes and furiously clapped her hands at Taichi's face, squishing his cheeks together. "What's wrong? Do you have allergies? Do we need to go get medicine? You shouldn't have come here if you're sick!"

She waited for Taichi's vehement protest so she could shoot him down immediately after. But instead Taichi started at her with the eyes rimmed with thick eyelashes. He didn't speak a word, just started at her, and Chihaya felt her grip slowly loosen up and slip off the soft skin of Taichi's face.

"Hey…Chihaya…" His voice was a rasp, and Chihaya felt herself suppressing another shivers, although with Taichi's cardigan so she didn't feel the biting cold clearly. "Is it ok if your beauty is comforting to me?"

It felt like to her the wind in the air was going to knock her down. _Beauty?..._

_What is that supposed to mean?_

For the first time in a while Chihaya was questioning what she was supposed to say back to Taichi, her friend of many years. Finally, after a few stuttering seconds she turned her head and drew her lips over her teeth.

She was definitely not feeling cold anymore.

_This is nowhere I imagined this day would go. It hasn't even started yet. _

-CF-

Taichi bought the two of them snow cones at the mall. Strawberry for her and lime for him. Filled to the brim of the styrofoam cup, the ice brought Chihaya must needed relief and coldness. She wolfed down the treat in breakneck speed, letting the juice dribble down her chin.

"Tsk. You're getting it over your clothes." Taichi was resting both of his elbows on the table. One was covering half of his lips, and the other had a spoon casually hovering neatly above his snowcone, which was still nearly full. "You never act like a lady." Twisted his palm, he inserted the spoon cleanly like a skewer in the ice and leaned over and retrieved a napkin from the black dispenser off to the side. He dangled it above her empty cup, not looking at her at all.

She wasn't quite satisfied with the small-hearted, half-assed response she'd managed to squeeze out of herself for Taichi. Still, she hoped the rest of the time they were spending together would be as just as fun as last time, but Taichi was still not acting like the Taichi she knew and it was making Chihaya so angry and frustrated and she needed to chuck something at him.

So she did. She flung the cup at him, wishing it would strike up right at his cranium and crack his limp sense of personality.

"What the hell?" Despite having not having played soccer in years, Taichi still had formidable arms and automatic reflexes. He crushed the cup between his fingers, rolled his head around, and gave Chihaya a stark glare, with sparkling eyes that made Chihaya happy. "What was that for?"

"You're getting juice on your clothes." Chihaya retorted, giving him a cheesy grin and flickered her hands playfully at him.

"Oh, whatever." Taichi rolled his eyes and put the crushed cup on the table. He ruffled his hair and clumps stuck out all over in every direction. "Let's get this cleaned up."

Because it was bothering her, Chihaya reached over and exchanged the baseball cap from her head to Taichi's. "Here, I shouldn't-"

That was totally the wrong move times one hundred. The long layers of her hair were smashed against Taichi's forehead, and Chihaya could smell Taichi's dumb, fancy cologne really nicely from here, and his fancy expensive shampoo that did actually smell really good and like chocolate and _what the hell is this situation? _

She backed away and in that span of time also backed into her chair. Both her and chair fell down.

_Well. I am definitely not feeling it today,_ Chihaya thought, lying on the ground, the chair standing all crooked on the side, listening to the rustle of Taichi's clothes as he bent down at her side.

_Karuta, karuta, where can I go to play karuta. Why did I wake up this morning when I could have stayed in bed and avoided all this?_

"No, I'm not ok." Chihaya sighed and placed her hand over her eyes. "I'm not ok at all." There was a pause. Chihaya could hear the worried murmurs of the people in the food court and their misplaced concern. Taichi's voice was muddy and weird and Chihaya just really wanted to ignore it. She turned over on her side. The hand on the small of her waist jolted Chihaya up and smack dab into Taichi's face.

Chihaya shot up and crawled over to Taichi, thought better of it, and stopped before her hands interlinked with his legs. "Hey, hey, hey, Taichi. Sorry."

"You're hurting me so much today, huh." Taichi rested his chin on his knee, staring at her blankly. Again, Chihaya noticed his red eyes and was sorely tempted to drag him to a doctor or her mother or even his mother. His head was tilted just a bit so his hair swayed over his eyes. Chihaya picked at her nails.

"Let's go see a movie." Taichi's head slipped farther and farther down until is laid sideways on his knee. "You can pick."

"Ok," Chihaya replied softly. Another pause. "Maybe another minute."

"You wanna stay on the ground like this?"

Chihaya shifted her legs so she was actually sitting down, her feet crossing over themselves. "Yeah, let's just stay like this for a while."

"Alright." Taichi took something out of his shirt pocket and slid it across the shiny surface the tiled floor. A pack of karuta cards.

Chihaya lifted her head and gave Taichi a curious look. His eyes were closed. Chihaya ran her fingers over the pack, and the grabbed them and threw them up into the air and watched as it swooped cleanly into her outstretched hands.

"Thanks," Chihaya whispered, giving another sideways glance at Taichi whose eyes were still closed.

Taichi was no doubt her best friend. Through all the hard times they'd been together, every karuta match, every late night practice, every tear and night, and every awkwardly silent morning and every hair brush and every time Chihaya insisted they stay on a cold, hard, dirty ground while mall shoppers all around them stared and gawked. So there was no question of his importance to her. And for the most part, Chihaya felt like she knew his importance to him. Chocolate, strawberry flavors, orange, karuta and the smell of tatami mats and the smile of her friends. He knew all her favorites.

When had it ever occurred to her how much Taichi knew about her? Why was she wondering about it?

When has she ever balked at the sight of Taichi so easily ordering for her, doing things for her, paying for her, looking at her, saying things like he said, looking like he looked?

Chihaya's eyes drooped as she stared at the chair which none of them had bothered to straighten. Come to think of it, when was the last time she cared about other people thought of her?

Taichi had opened one reddish eye and was starting at Chihaya with it. Chihaya could definitely see him but she didn't let him know. Instead, she calmly mused about the state of her clothes and her hair. Aimlessly, she wondered up and down following Taichi's reddish eyes and realized she was standing outside with Taichi looking at movie posters. The karuta card pack was gone.

Unfortunately the only movies available at the mall's movie center was either going to be an American romantic comedy or a horror anime movie.

"Don't you want to see this one?" Taichi rubbed the back of his head and breathed out a puff. "You always like this kind of stuff."

"I do not always like this kind of stuff!" Chihaya puffed out her cheeks and looked to the side. "Anyways, that looks interesting. Don't you think it looks interesting?"

"Hm, blood and guts and creepy eyes. Yeah. Let's go watch it," Taichi said.

Chihaya felt her eyes widen, and she crossed her arms and stopped herself from stamping her feet. "I was just suggesting…maybe something different. Different things are good."

Taichi shifted his gaze in a glance that lasted less than a second. "Chihaya I know for a fact that every Sunday you spend an exact amount of five hours playing karuta. No more, no less."

"Hey-"

"Because after, you spend time with your sister. Or go shop for Daddy Bear t-shirts. Or you call Arata." Taichi stared at the movie posters, leaning on his left hip. "Or at least you try. About 90% of the time you don't get through."

Chihaya dug her foot into the meander pattern of the bricks. "You-"

"It doesn't matter. It's fine, let's go in. If you want to treat this time, you can. Also, don't blame me if you start clinging on me during the movie."

Indignantly Chihaya grabbed a fistful of the back of Taichi's shirt, realizing at the same time that she was still wearing his cardigan. Along the way, somehow, it had fitted onto her arms and around her. She probably got it dirty while flailing around on the floor too.

"Is it really a bad idea to be touching me?" Taichi didn't turn around at all, and Chihaya let his shirt go with a start.

"W-what?" Chihaya stepped back a few steps. Anymore and she would be standing on the gutter off the curb in the street.

"Well, I wouldn't question. I don't know anyone who would want to touch me either." Taichi walked inside the movie theater.

"No-no, get back out here." Is what Chihaya was should have said, and thought she would, but she just stood there watching Taichi open the door and go in unceremoniously. _What's wrong with him? _Chihaya had never wanted to hit Taichi more in her whole life.

The clack of the doors smacked right when Chihaya called "Let's go home!" Taichi looked back without turning his body. His eyes looked sad, and Chihaya attempted to call a take back, but she didn't. She didn't even try.

-CF-

Chihaya spent the rest of the weekend doing nothing but play karuta. She didn't talk with her sister, or text Arata, or step out to the sweets shop to buy chocolate, and she did not call Taichi even once. Come Monday morning, Chihaya was feeling a little better. She pulled Taichi out of class during lunch.

"I made you a bento box." Chihaya slid the plastic bin across the distance of the bench. Taichi squinted one eye, and lifted the box to eye level.

"Knowing you, it probably doesn't taste as good as what I brought." Chihaya smiled immediately. _A joke!_

"Hey, Taichi."

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

The rustle of clothes. His uniform was nicely ironed, as usual. "What?"

"I really…haven't been a good friend lately. I kept thinking, maybe, that you were going to leave me. I was really scared you were going to leave me!" Chihaya tried to laugh, but it got stuck in her throat, and she kept staring at her own bento box. _Look at him. Hey, look at him!_

She didn't. "I don't even know where I'm going with this. I just…it's felt really weird lately. Maybe it's stress from (_you and your eyes) _karuta, or (_you and your hair) _something…like that." Chihaya couldn't feel her face or her chopsticks.

"So, what I mean by all this is that I'm sorry I acted so weird. I, I like kept thinking that you were one acting weird, and (_you and your long fingers) _um, the reality was that I was. I don't really know myself. All I know is that (_you, you, you) _I want to (_youyouyou) _be right here _(YOUYOUYOU) _with…you."

Silence. Chihaya was going to kick herself.

And then her bento box clattered to the ground.

Chihaya stared at the mass of brown fried noodles and sloppily chopped celery and wondered how it got there, considering she had been completely frozen; and then she glanced upwards and Taichi was standing and heaving.

"I'm really the shittiest person."

Chihaya opened her mouth. No sound came out at all.

"You don't even know. After all this time, we've been like this." Taichi pinched the bridge of his nose, face red, presumably not from laughter. "And I could never decide whether or not if I was ok with it. I thought, 'I'd wait forever,' and I thought 'One day I'd make her realize' and I thought, 'Wow, I love this girl, so, so much.'

One step by one step Taichi was walking back, and his voice was getting softer.

"But I couldn't even tell that to the one other person who needed to hear it! I couldn't even try."

"I couldn't even start to say, 'I'm in love with Chihaya Ayase and I always will be.'" Taichi gave a little desperate gasp after whispering, and stopped completely a couple feet away from Chihaya. "You see, I can't even say it now. 'I lo-o-o-" He gasped another husky breath and clasped his hand around his face, choking a bit at the same time, and Chihaya realized that Taichi's red eyes were never from allergies.

He shook his head. "I don't even know how I could make myself good for you, when all I ever did was keeping leaving you when you needed me. There was never any point to any of this. I always knew all along that Arata was the one for you, but I kept trying. I kept thinking, and I'm going to stop thinking now."

-CF-

Taichi didn't attend the afternoon classes, or the day after during testing. Desktomu placed first for the first time ever.

[END Tenuous]

-CF-

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